Breaking up (with friends) is hard to do

As everyone knows, breakups can be one of the hardest things you have to do. Sometimes they are for the best, and sometimes the pain never really goes away. Most people talk about the pain of breaking up with your spouse/partner but do we spend enough time talking about breaking up with a friend?

Friendship breakups can happen in a number of different ways. The easiest friendship breakup is one that happens naturally. When both parties just naturally drift apart. No one is to blame and you both think back on the moments of friendship with fondness.

Some friendship breakups are a blessing in disguise. I had a “friend” tell me I was selfish for not making my birthday week about her, about what was going on in her life. She proceed to say horrible things to me. At the time it hurt, but honestly, I’m way better off without her. Why would I want to be friends with someone who thinks whatever is going on in their life is more important than anyone else’s life? Someone who can’t think beyond themselves? Seriously, who needs that?

I think the hardest friendship breakups are the ones you know have to be done, but you try to justify not doing it.

Let me tell you a story

I believe in quality, not quantity when it comes to friendships. Cherishing friendships I’ve had for years is important to me. I was lucky enough to still be friends with a childhood friend after more than 35 years. We weren’t the “best of friends” the whole time. We went to different high schools, drifted apart during our college years, and reconnected as adults. As kids we were close and I was thankful to be close again as adults.

During some of the great years of our friendship we would do many things together. Outings such as going to the zoo, baseball games, the aquarium and even trips to Walt Disney World. I wish I knew then that soon my job would actually put an end to our friendship.

Now, as a reminder, I am a travel agent by trade, I focus on, and book, Walt Disney World vacations. Do you see where this might be going?

As a travel agent, I left the travel industry in early 2020, it was just too much for me. I rejoined the industry in 2022 after being in WDW and realizing I missed it. If you don’t know, being a TA now a days is being an independent contractor and, essentially, running your own small business. You have to be able to market and go after clients. One thing I, thought was that I could count on my friends to book their travels with me, especially their magical Disney vacations…I was wrong. You learn quickly that your friends and family are basically the last to book with you. I guess supporting a friends business just isn’t all that important to most people.

What happened

While our trips to WDW where fun, I have to be honest and say they were always a bit annoying and frustrating. There seemed to be this expectation that I would change my plans to suit him. I would change my vacation dates, park days or plans to whichever he wanted and wait while he was on rides. He generally assumed that we would eat at whatever restaurant he wanted. Now, for the most part I’m pretty flexible but it started to bother me that he didn’t make the same sacrifices. If I said I couldn’t, or wouldn’t, make a change it was an issue, I wasn’t being flexible.

Everything came to a head in the fall of 2023. I’m not even entirely sure how to explain what happened. We had already booked and planned our trip for the fall of 2023 and it was coming up. We were also planning our January 2024 trip, or I thought we were.

Now it should be noted that he had booked with me in the past. Prior to me being a TA, I would plan our trips, making dining and ride reservations and more. I would often log into both of our accounts to match up plans.

As we were planning for January, he first lied about when he was going to book, instead booking with another agent in the same agency. And when confronted, he said “he didn’t want to mix business with pleasure”. Remember, I have booked and planned out trips in the past but now that it was my job and business it was a problem? He trusted me then, but not now when I had proper training and resources?

The end of the friendship

It was his vacation and he is allowed to use whichever agent he wants, or not use an agent at all. But I firmly believe you should, whenever possible, support your friends businesses. So, if you are booking a trip, one that your friend happens to specialize in, shouldn’t you try to support them? This felt like a slap in the face. To make matters worse, we had a trip together coming up. I had to put a smile on my face and carry on. I did. You would never tell by the photos that I knew this was the end of the friendship. Oh, and once again, I was making changes and concessions for him. The selfishness of the situation hit me so hard and it was all I could do keep a smile on my face.

I didn’t think it was worth explaining how hurtful it was. Based on our history, I’m sure he was waiting for me to reach out as if nothing was wrong. I also know, that he truly feels he didn’t do anything wrong, that I’m just being dramatic. I felt that after being friends for so long that I was owed an apology but knew I wouldn’t get one. That’s the hard part, accepting the end of the friendship.

He never wished me a happy birthday, holidays or even reach out about my move to the Cayman Islands. He didn’t say goodbye or anything. That’s how I know this was a necessary breakup. If he reached out now, would I accept the friendship back? Probably not. It hurts but I have now seen his true colours. 35+ years of friendship is gone and it’s time to move on.